Sometimes life throws you a curve – or several curves – and you end up spinning round and round and falling flat on your face.
For me, that pretty much describes the entirety of 2019 up to this point.
It’s been a crazy, wild, painful, emotional rollercoaster ride that I’ve been desperately trying to get off. I haven’t found the exit yet. I’m beginning to think I never will.
Life is hard… love is even harder. Loving in the midst of life is harder still. It is difficult to remain loving and kind to your significant other when your world is crashing down all around you. We have found that out this year, and it has almost broken us… almost.
The details aren’t really important… there was a betrayal of trust, there were also lies, broken promises, hurt feelings, shattered hearts, and painful times on both sides. Neither of us is blameless, but neither of us is totally at fault either.
During times like these, it’s really easy to point the finger at the other party – especially when your heart is traumatized and crushed into little tiny fragments – but there is nothing valuable in blame. It serves no good purpose.
So, as we move forward, trying to figure out how this is all going to work, we are attempting to lay aside blame and focus on what got us to that point in the first place. What could I have done differently? What could he have done differently? What can we both do going forward to protect our relationship from harm? These are all questions we are both asking ourselves.
It won’t be easy – of that we are both aware – but it will hopefully be worth all the painful effort in the end. That is what our expectation is. And if not, we know we will both be better humans because of it.
For now, we are here in Flagstaff, AZ together. We are working on us. We are working on moving forward. Who knows what lies ahead?