The Planner vs. Freedom

September 1st marks exactly two months until we depart on La Grande Avventura (The Grand Adventure). I am so excited about it, I wish we were leaving today. However, as Rico pointed out, we have so much to do before exiting DC, I should be glad I have an entire two months. He sometimes doubts my ability to accomplish everything that needs doing in sixty short days, but I am supremely determined, and so it will be completed. He also doubts our ability to be on the road with our dogs, our musical equipment, our camping gear, etc. for over a year in a Mini Cooper, but I believe we’ll be just fine. As I said in my last blog, Rico is the pessimist, and I am the optimist.

Additionally, though I’ve tried to plan out the next fifteen months of our lives down to the day, I know things will have to be adjusted and moved. Just today, a friend stopped by and told us about several different places we should visit and when we should try to be there because of exciting musical events in those areas. It got me thinking that perhaps I shouldn’t plan so far in advance, but I don’t really know how to do that.

I’m a planner by nature. I’ve been doing it most of my adult life, and if I’ve learned anything in the last several years (since my MS diagnosis), it is that the blueprint I first come up with must be able to withstand modifications and changes. It must be fluid and not frozen.

One of the things I desire from this upcoming journey is freedom—to be untethered—to be unrestricted in where we go and when we go there. I want to have the skeleton of a plan, but nothing totally fleshed out. After all, we are attempting to find ourselves in freedom, which means we must be unrestricted.

As a planner, this comes hard. Letting go of the reigns isn’t easy for me. I have always tried to control every aspect of every little thing in my life (mostly unsuccessfully), and I am struggling to just let go and allow the adventure to map itself out.

I don’t want an alarm clock, or a schedule, or a map, or a time table to dictate how things happen. I know there are certain times we must be in certain places, whether for ourselves or for someone else, but I don’t want that to be the norm.

I have the first leg of our trip planned out in great detail, which will get us back home to Texas for a long visit with friends and family over the holiday season. After that, everything else is loosely planned, and I am fighting to keep it that way.

For the first time in a long while, I don’t have a five year plan, a three year plan, or even a concrete plan past the end of this year. Where will we be in January of 2018? Who knows? And for once in my life, I don’t really care.

Big Love,

Lainie

Balmorhea State Park.jpg

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