Fear… it is pervasive. It permeates all aspects of the psyche, no matter how much you try to fight it off. When something is unknown—when something is indefinite, anxiety can cause a plethora of problems for both the heart and soul.
Some days are better than others. I get excited when planning where we will stop, what we will see, finding a campsite, and who we might know in the area to visit. That part is the most fun for me. However, when it comes to the technical pieces of the puzzle, I find myself truly lacking in knowledge, which makes me a bit nervous.
I’m a smart girl, but some things are harder for me to grasp than others. With the complication of MS and the brain fog that goes with it, I feel rather inadequate when it comes to technology. I find myself watching tutorials over and over again in order to fully grasp what I once considered simple concepts.
That is where faith comes in… Faith in myself and my ability to learn, despite my foggy mind; faith in my husband and his knack for figuring things out on the fly; faith in my friends and family to help me when I get stuck.
Fear and faith… my constant companions these days.
At this point in the journey—the planning stage—so much is unknown. I think I know what to expect, but I’m no fool… I realize a lot of unexpected and unplanned things are bound to happen.
I’m the optimist in my marriage. I always see the glass as half full, and look at the world with positivity, as if nothing could go wrong. This, despite past experiences to the contrary. Rico is the pessimist. He expects things to go awry, so he is not disappointed nor taken by surprise when it happens. He is also pleasantly surprised when things go off without a hitch. I, on the other hand, am crushed when something doesn’t work out as I imagined it.
I feel these two dichotomies will serve us well on our upcoming adventure. I will help him see the positives when he is being negative about things, and he will temper my over-the-top enthusiasm. Hopefully, all will go well, but in the event it does not, I will be prepared.
Fear of the unknown, but faith in the possibilities.